• emilyhawkins28

Getting My Fear Under Control

Getting my fear under control

I'm a control freak. Everything in my life is on a schedule or a list. You may think this is incredibly boring. I, on the other hand, find this thrilling!

Planning is my way of taking control of the known so that when the unknown rears it's ugly head I can work around it.

Give me the unknown and I can break it apart and create a plan for it. Until I had a family.

Last week came as quite a shock when my daughter's report card came home with a note. The note said "your child has been selected for a special class where she will be given additional help."

My immediate reaction was "I haven't worked with her enough, I must figure out a new plan."

  • I called a literacy coach, also known as my best friend for books and games.

  • I asked a friend about her learning disability journey with her own child.

  • I texted my brother, a dyslexic that learned the school game a long time ago and grew to be a huge success.

  • I went to the library and picked out any and every book that looked fun and enticing for her.

  • I setup a system of 15 minutes a day for reading and 15 minutes for sight words.

What if "smart" friends began rejecting her? What if she was made fun of for leaving the class for extra help? What if she had to repeat a grade?!?!

But then I caught myself.

Who was struggling with this? The answer was me.

The heart of my fear was for my daughter's feelings of self worth. But if I chose to fixate on her struggles I would do the damage.

This morning as she got ready for school I asked "guess who is the best sharer I know?"

She smiled brightly and said "Me!"

"Guess who is the best big sister?"


"And who is the best friend anyone could ever have?"


She skipped off the catch the bus.

We're going to go over sight words daily and read together but only until she pushes back, then we stop.

My job as her mother is not just flash cards but also showing my daughter what it means to be valued and loved for her whole self.

#thefearseries #selfworth

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