Should Shaming, 3 Steps to End It For Good
Do you catch yourself saying the word "should" when referring to things in your life?
"I should go to church"
"I should workout"
"I should learn another language"
Have you ever really looked at this word and it's true meaning?
Should: used to indicate obligation, duty, or correctness, typically when criticizing someone's actions.
That's pretty powerful when the definition has the word criticize in it. Basically use this word if you want to make yourself or others feel bad. Another term for this is "Should Shaming". It's my own term and I quite like it because it's exactly how I feel when I say or hear the word 'should'.
If I was immune to should shaming all of my conversations involving 'should' would go something like this.
Random person: Emily you should be quieter.
Me: I don't want to be though.
Random person (appalled): I can't believe you just said that.
Me (said loudly): Believe it!
Let me guess, you read this and thought I was rude. But what about random person? Weren't they rude? What if I then told you random person's real name was my own internal dialogue.
That's right, the majority of should shaming happens in our own heads.
Let's we make a pact to remove the word 'should' from our vocabularies!
Don't try to tell me there's a good use for this word. If you are breaking the law (I should pay my taxes) or causing yourself harm (I should go to the doctor) replace the 'should' with its true meaning, 'have to'.
If you catch yourself saying 'should' follow these steps:
Stop, drop and roll (sorry, wrong action list)
Ask yourself why?
Why do you feel you should be doing something? Is it because you think society or your family demands this? Doing something because others want you to isn't a very effective motivation tool. You must want to make the change and do the thing.
Why don't I want to do this?
If you're 'shoulding' yourself it's most likely because you don't want to do the thing you are 'shoulding' about. (It's uncomfortable, it's not fun, it's inconvenient.) Go deeper though. Is it something you are morally against (I. E. going to church) or is it just that you don't want to change (I. E. incorporating exercise into your life)?
Do or Don't
Now you must make the decision. Whatever you decide involves giving up the 'should' word. This is especially true if you choose to NOT do. Stand up for your convictions and stand up to yourself.
When all else fails remember what Yoda said......or meant to say.